In time, the rawness of your pain and grief will subside and you will learn to live with the loss of your baby in a more peaceful and gentler way. When you find yourself “living” again, smiling and laughing without feeling guilty, you know you are getting on with your life and have found a way to live with the loss of your baby.
It is hard to know what is right or wrong when it comes to grief felt by your other children. Perhaps the best way forward is to focus on honesty, give them lots of love and cuddles, provide reassurance and keep talking. Do what is right for you, your partner and your children.
Your children will follow your lead, and you can let them know that it is okay to be sad, to be happy, to talk, and to remember. Model the behaviour you wish for them.
Let your children know they are free to include their angel sibling in any activity they wish. They should feel comfortable to share their name to anyone and everyone, including school friends, without ridicule or question.
Keep in contact with your child’s class teacher and let them know of anniversary dates so that they are aware and can be more sympathetic as these days approach.
A time may come when you decide to try for a baby again. With this, many different emotions may surface. It may be difficult to allow yourself to be joyful and you may be full of reservations and anxiety. We know that having another baby will never replace the one you had to say goodbye to. You may need support to overcome the fear that might be holding you back if your true desire is to try again. Bears Of Hope offer an Online forum for Pregnancy After Loss.
Commemoration of special dates
Anticipating and facing special dates after the loss of your baby can be challenging. At a time when you should be celebrating, you may find yourself yearning for your precious baby. Raw and painful memories may emerge, and witnessing the celebration and joy in other families can make it even more heartbreaking.
Be prepared for waves of grief to strike in the lead up to special dates or family gatherings as these are times when your baby’s absence is all the more obvious. It may be cathartic to organise a ceremony or ritual to honour your baby on such days so that they become more positive and healing occasions. Please know that you are entitled to include your angel baby at family events, if it feels right for you.