This is your experience and only you can know what you’re feeling. Take some comfort in the fact that sadly, others have walked this path and these feelings are probably very normal. The first step is to acknowledge these grief emotions and reactions for what they are. Know that when you are ready to talk, our support team is here for you.
You are in a deep state of shock as you could never have expected the loss of your baby. It cheats the very order of life, so you may be asking “how can it even be possible?”
You can’t and won’t accept your loss because “It can’t be real” “This is not happening to me.” “There must be a mistake”. You may feel numb, emotionless and strangely empty.
Anger may be expressed toward yourself, the doctors, your faith, your partner, or anyone else. You may be angry and wanting to know “why me”? How could this happen to me?
You may feel a loss of control in the face of a tidal wave of emotions. You feel unable to face a future without your baby and continue with the demands of everyday life.
You want to find any way possible to stop or change the loss. You may make deals with yourself, begging and praying for your baby to come back and willing an action to reverse the reality.
You are desperate to hold, kiss and cuddle your baby or have it safely back in your womb. You long and yearn for the future that you and your baby would have had.
You feel cheated by your loss and painfully jealous of other parents who are pregnant or who currently have babies. It can be even more acute when these parents are friends of yours.
You may feel bitter towards others that aren’t grieving in the same way as you, or who don’t acknowledge your loss, especially parents who are pregnant or have a healthy baby.
Sadness and Depression
You may be feeling defeated, teary and generally down, and you may sense that you’ve lost interest in daily activities. You may be avoiding contact with others and isolating yourself.
Loss of Self Esteem
You may feel you’re worthless without your baby and struggling not to feel worthless and a failure as a parent. Making decisions and believing in your abilities is almost impossible.
You may be telling yourself “I should have done more” and feel that you didn’t live up to your responsibility to nurture and protect your baby from any harm.
You may feel lonely and misunderstood, with everyone seeming to be getting on with their lives. No one knows your pain and you may be pushing others away without realising.
You may think that somehow you caused this loss. Your fault was overworking, exercising, lifting something heavy, that glass of wine. Smiling or laughing at a joke may feel shameful.
You may feel utterly let down and betrayed by your body and your faith, especially if this is a subsequent loss. How could you deserve this when you were so healthy and full of love?
You feel scared to walk out the front door to face normality and you’re doubting your ability to function and feel. The idea of falling pregnant again fills you with a deep fear.
You haven’t been able to grieve in the ways that people may expect you to. You may feel shut down and numb and experiencing a sense of being stuck and unable to move.