A Subsequent Pregnancy
It’s important to not let fear hold you back if your desire is to try again. This is a common experience of a subsequent pregnancy and it’s important that you focus on the positives and draw on support to help you through this next pregnancy.
Your heart stopped, you wondered how you would go on, you question whether you would have another baby………Many questions and thoughts go through your mind after losing a baby. For some the urge and the desire to have another baby is so strong, while for others you just need time to grieve. Making the decision to try again is such a hard one as you yearn to hold another baby in your arms but you are also scared and hold so many fears. There is no wrong or right and only you can choose what is best for you.
The reality is, another pregnancy is never experienced in the same way for parents after a loss. We have a new perspective on pregnancy; a pregnancy no longer equals a healthy baby until we walk out of those hospital doors with our arms filled.
A new pregnancy can be like riding the scariest rollercoaster because there are so many more emotions involved now. The innocence is something we now miss. What is important however is that you acknowledge your fears, face your feelings head on, talk about your feelings, speak with people who understand and can help you work through them. Writing your feelings down can be therapeutic and help you to understand where the fear is coming from and cope better with it. Most importantly talk to your Obstetrician or Midwife and get them to help you deal with your anxiety.
You may be angry that you have to go through another pregnancy, something you feel that you have already done. You may be angry that you did everything right but still lost your baby. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process but it is important to control the anger and look for the positives in your life now….. draw strength from your new pregnancy and the hope that this signifies.
Sadness may come in waves around important dates during this pregnancy but sometimes unexpectedly. You may feel sad that you are not carrying the baby that died and upset that you have lost the innocence of pregnancy. You no longer have that ‘glow’ or the ‘safe time’ where you feel relaxed. Surround yourself with people that understand, people that can support you, people that have been through it before and have come out the other side.
For many people you may also feel guilt. Guilty because you want another baby so soon and you may have only just lost your baby. You can’t and could never replace your baby and by having another this is not what you are doing….you are only filling your empty arms and helping your aching heart to once again beat without hurting so much.
Some difficult times during your subsequent pregnancy may be getting through the gestation of when you lost your baby, your angel baby’s birthday, Christmas, or your due date.
A new pregnancy gives you hope, allows you to focus on the future. We understand the reservations you may feel as you approach each milestone but remember that this is a very different pregnancy, try and remain positive and savour everyday you have with this new little one.
Here are a few suggestions on how to get through a subsequent pregnancy:
- Join a support group, Bears Of Hope has online or face to face support groups;
- Try yoga or meditation
- Surround yourself with supportive people
- Have additional appointments with your OB or midwife
- Have additional ultrasounds to give you peace of mind
- Ensure you are getting the best prenatal care
- Remember you are not alone in your feelings, reach out to others that are traveling a similar path
- Find beauty in your day; read positive affirmations, take a walk by the ocean or lake, focus on what you have in your life right now, spend time in the garden or doing things that soothe your soul
- Take things one day at a time and don’t look too far down the track.