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Grief Support: 1300 11 HOPE



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A Message From Toni & Amanda

From the bottom of our hearts we are so deeply sorry for the loss of your baby. Finding out your baby has not survived during pregnancy, birth or infancy may be the most traumatic experience you will ever go through. A heart break we sincerely wish you never had to experience. We know your dreams and hopes for this little one have been shattered and your world changed in that instant. Your life may have become an emotional struggle trying to deal with this sudden despair whilst you continue to remember, miss and love your baby all at the same time. We so wish your baby was still with you and that you needed not learn of our program.

We encourage you to share your feelings, your thoughts, your heartbreak, so you don’t find yourself on your own and grieving in silence. Draw upon your partner, your family, your friendships, professional support, us here at Bears Of Hope if you need, especially if you are on your own. You have lost a precious little life, and it’s going to be a difficult time to work through. No matter the gestational age of your baby, he or she will always be remembered; always be a part of you and this is greatly recognized by us. We never forget our babies who were very much loved and always will be! We acknowledge that no loss of a baby is significantly worse or harder than another. You will grieve in your own way, in your own time and have the right to without judgement or minimization of your loss.

We sincerely hope you have supportive family and friends during this time but most importantly, are there for you throughout this journey. In the early months after your loss when reality truly begins to sink in, you may begin to feel very lonely and notice that everybody else’s lives appear to have moved on whilst yours remains at a complete standstill. If you feel you don’t have someone in your life you can comfortably open up your heart to, there are free support services available, including us, who are readily here for you. No one will truly understand what you’re going through, unless they have experienced it themselves, and even then everybody grieves so individually. Friends and family don’t always know what to say or do and as a result, may say hurtful comments or avoid opening a dialogue altogether. We have provided Information for Family and Friends to give them some insight into how to support you, so you may like to pass this on.

It’s important to know that grieving your baby is going to take some time, and that’s perfectly normal. Allow yourself to experience the different emotions that confront you, as you try and find your way. If you need to cry, please cry. If you are feeling angry, let it out, scream or do something physical like go for a run. Working through and allowing yourself to express your feelings is imperative for your healing to begin. In time, it will free your body, mind and soul from the constant pain. Bottling up and trying to be strong, or trying not to feel a certain way will certainly postpone your grieving and will end up catching you anyhow.

Your grief will be completely unique to yourself and will depend on the attachment you had with your baby. You may find yourself in denial, angry or completely ripped off, you may feel entirely numb, you may find yourself endlessly crying, you may want to withdraw and hide yourself away from the world, you may bargain with yourself, and you may even question your own faith. Some days you may bear acute grief which strips your soul down further than you ever imagined, others may pass without a tear drop.

Experiencing all of or just some of these feelings is a very normal response to losing your baby. It’s important to put yourself first and not worry about putting on a façade if it means you will be further hurt. Although, we sometimes tend to do this to preserve and protect ourselves further, or because we prefer not to let others know our true pain. Your heart has been devastated, perhaps replaced with a void so intense and so distressing it has completely shattered you. It’s one day at a time and you have no choice but to learn and cope with this new existence, this new normal, without your baby.

Our hope is that through making connections within this program you will feel comforted, supported, well-informed, and empowered to find hope in your heart again.

With hope,
Toni & Amanda